5 Body Language Tricks to Make Anyone Instantly Like You
Now if the title doesn’t grab you, I don’t know what will.
Don’t we all want to be liked? What is that all about? In Marwell and Schmitt’s
Taxonomy Influence Tactics this falls under “Positive Esteem of Others” rather
nicely. I work in an environment with numerous people and as a supervisor I definitely
want to be liked.
In this particular video the gal is specifically talking
about using body language to get others to like you. We hear a lot about using
verbal language and the way we dress to impress, but this sounded intriguing.
This right off the bat hit me in an way that caused an affective consequence as
it is important for me, and probably the rest of us as human beings seeking friendship.
I was definitely drawn to it by emotion and yearning to learn the tricks. She
also spoke in such and way (and with a great accent) that help and kept my
interest and attention.
One process premise at work in this presentation is the need
to “win friends and influence people.” I think we have all heard that before. We
all want friends and to be able to make a mark in the world. We need to be able
to hold the attention of the person we are talking to. She talks about smiling
and looking at the opposite person. She claims that this will cause the other
person to “instantly” like you. After all, attention is what everybody needs,
right? I believe it’s a part of showing respect to the other party in the
conversation.
Later in the presentation the premise of emotion was used to
introduce a tip called “The Big Baby Pivot.” Now who doesn’t like babies,
right? She talks about paying attention to a new person in the same way you
would give attention to a baby that had crawled up to you. In most cases,
babies cause a certain reaction by most people.
The process premise of consistency is also at work here as
the presentation continues. If we use the tricks that are shared in this video
regularly then we may actually have the whole world liking us….and who wouldn’t
like that?
One of Reich’s Cultural Parables is that of the Benevolent
Community where neighbors and friends roll up their sleeves and pitch in to
help when problems occur. It’s also about “America’s essential generosity and
compassion to those in need.” The speech I chose to use for this is one given
by President Obama in after the earthquake and Tsunami in Japan. Right at the beginning of his speech he talks
of the great destruction to our friends and greatest ally, and then lists the
things that are being done, such as protecting our own nuclear energy and
American citizens in Japan affected by the catastrophe, and how the USA is
helping the Japanese people contain the damage, recover, and rebuild.
I do like the fact that he called this country across the
ocean our friend and ally. Throughout the speech he speaks of working alongside
and helping with the efforts of recovery and damage control. I believe that
when he focuses on our fellow Americans it immediately sets forth a sense of
urgency and encourages other Americans to rally around and support whatever
needs to be done to protect and help our fellow citizens, who are our neighbors
and friends, no matter where they are living. Speaking of the situation in this
way creates an immediate affective reaction, especially for those family
members who are left here on American soil wondering what is being done to help
their loved ones.
On the other hand, the specific information about what the
damage is and what is being done also informs the public of the dangers of the
situation and gives the public the knowledge they need to handle the situation
at hand. He speaks of taking “prudent
and precautionary measures to educate those Americans who may be in danger of
radiation.” This creates a cognitive effect not only for those here watching
the situation unfold, but also allows us a measure of peace that our fellow
Americans who are being taken care of as well.
The process premise of need is used at length within this
speech from the need of evacuation for safety’s sake, the need for educating those
who may be affected by radiation, and even the need for evacuation of certain
locations. Obama also vocalizes the necessity of citizens to monitor the
situation and follow the guidance of both the Japanese and American governments
as things unfold. Obama also addresses the needs here at home and says that
there is no danger posed to our nation. The only need we have here is to stay
informed. He states that we have a responsibility to learn from crisis events
in other countries and to “draw from those lessons to ensure the safety and
security of our people.”
Obama also speaks of having our nuclear plants checked here
at home to be sure that everything is safe and functioning well. I believe that
this could fall under the process premise of attitude and/or consistency. It
can reflect an attitude of action and proactivity in assuring the safety and
security of our own. Ensuring that we have done all that we can do to prevent
any crisis here in our own country. This action can also fall under the premise
of consistency due to the effort itself and following certain protocol to
prevent or try to minimize catastrophic events here on our own soil. After all,
if we look good here and are safe, then we are better able to help and serve
our fellow allies. As he lists out the things that we as a nation are doing to
support and help Japan he says that the military has been helping in that
capacity for “decades” which also implies consistency in our support of this
nation.
We have given food and water and helped in recovery efforts
which also shows our attitude of support for our neighbor, which is the final
process premise. We have sent our own experts to help “contain the damage at
Japan’s nuclear reactors. We are sharing with them expertise, equipment, and
technology.”
This speech screams that we are a benevolent community. Look
at all that we have done for Japan. This is definitely a great example of Reich’s
Cultural Parable. Obama makes his point well. America is doing all that it can
do to help out not only our own fellow American’s but also the Japanese who were
affected by the earthquake and Tsunami. American’s have donated to the relief funds,
the American Red Cross has taken care of the immediate needs of those affected,
and the also gives a website where any others who would like to volunteer can
go to learn more. He says, “The Japanese people are not alone in this time of
great trial and sorrow. Across the Pacific they will find the hand of support
extended from the United States.” What a great nation we live in where we will and
do exhaust our efforts in help of other nations in need.
Larson's
Cultural Myth: Possibility of Success implies that if you work hard enough and
are honest you can and will be successful. This particular speech
focuses on being honest with yourself.
I think all
of us go through life and feel at times that we don’t measure up. Maybe it’s
our job, or perhaps our wayward children? Maybe we want to lose weight or just
have confidence in presenting a memorized speech in our Communications class.
Whatever it is, isn’t there a way to just get over it? Can’t we just work hard
enough and smart enough to be successful and reach our goals? According to
Larson’s Possibility of Success, definitely. Who doesn’t want success? There
are so many books, tapes, shows, programs and retreats out there telling us
that if we just do what they tell us to do, we will be successful. The question
is, are we all successful even if we work our guts out trying to accomplish
something that we really want? I found this speech by Carrie Green on YouTube
that talks of her success, struggle and redirect toward greater success.
Green talks
of her successful completion of her law degree coupled with the successful
launch of her global online mobile phone unlocking business. Success, right?
Wrong. After all was said and done she decided that she was unhappy and
miserable with what she had decided to do with her life and wanted to make some
changes. She speaks of traveling abroad to find herself, reading books and
searching everywhere for the answer to her problem. As she tells her story of
success and failure and rebounding and rediscovery it causes an affective
consequence within the listener. At least it did for me. I believe that every
one of us feels inadequate at some point in our lives. Some more often than
others. Her story of redefining her goals and her desires in her life and
conquering her negative thoughts and behaviors to go onto a successful and
productive life are motivating and inspiring to anyone trying to do the same. She
says, “Yes, I wanted to be successful. Doesn’t every single person in this room
want to be successful?”
As Green
tells of her struggles, she defines the process premise of need very well. She
says that she had the need to change what she was doing. She was isolated and
lonely. She says she finally “crumbled and started to question everything and started
to think questions like “what am I doing? What is the point of all this?” She
had a need to get back to her “positive, optimistic and go get it person” that
she used to be. She then goes onto suggest that Michael Gerber’s book The
E-Myth had an answer for her. In essence, “what kind of things do you want
people to be saying about you and the life you lived” at your funeral. She says
that she finally realized that she “had to figure out what it was that I wanted
to achieve, why I wanted to achieve it, why it actually meant something to me,
I had to figure out the kind of person I needed to become in order to make it happen.”
Green also
talks about the premise of her attitudes and of being self-defeating and
negative toward everything. She would come up with ideas to change or improve her
situation and immediately shoot them down as pointless and out of reach. She
realized however that if she wanted to be successful and live an incredible
life that she needed “to get my mind to be on the same wave length as me.”
Thirdly,
Green talks about her emotions towards the realization that she was responsible
for her choices and where they had led her to that point in her life where she
was feeling unsuccessful. She was waking up daily and focusing on the negative
instead of making necessary changes. It was consuming her thoughts, actions and
emotions. In order to make positive changes Green says, “I had to program my mind
to make it happen. I had to program my mind for success.”
As I was
listening to this, I was trying to apply the things that were being said to my
personal life. Carrie makes some good points about how if our mind is in the
right place we can be more successful. If we can be consciously aware of all of
the things we are thinking and when we catch ourselves being negative we can
make a choice to steer our thoughts in a more positive direction. She says it’s
possible to control our thoughts and not let them control us. If we can vividly
picture our success, then we can accomplish it, “just like all the top athletes
do.” She suggests that if we make a wish list of what we wanted, have a goal
board and add to it, visualize what it would be like to have those things
happen then it will be reality. Green states that she realized, “if I could get
my mind to be certain that I could make something happen, that somehow I would
figure out a way.” She also claims that, “success is no accident. Living an incredible
life is no accident. You have to do it on purpose and it starts by knowing exactly
what it is you want to achieve, knowing why you want to achieve it, knowing the
kind of person you need to become in order to make it happen, and programming your
mind to make it happen because you only have one life to achieve everything.” These
things I think point towards being consistently striving to achieve and make
change in an effort to be successful. This is the fourth process premise.
No pressure
at all. I feel that Carrie is very successful in outlining the process premises
and makes her point quite succinctly. I feel though that for anyone seeking
success, who has not experienced it, would not take what she says in the way it
is intended. She speaks mostly of mind over matter, or mind over thoughts,
attitudes, and emotions which for some is a lot easier said than done. Her
entire speech is centered on the thought process and not the actions required,
although she does say, “If I could get my mind to be certain that I could make
something happen, that somehow I would figure out a way.” This does imply that
there is a matter of work, and hard work, involved in making dreams a reality.
This type of speech is great at motivating some, but can be un-motivational for
others. Especially those that have tried so hard to accomplish something and
have ended up failing.
For my out of class speech and presentation I chose to use
my team meetings for my venue. My team is made up of people from twenty years
to 65 years of age. They are the communications assistance that I am
responsible for supervising as they work at CaptionCall. In our business we
have implemented the ability to monitor calls for the sake of quality control.
In our line of work we dictate calls for the hard of hearing and it is imperative
that we dictate verbatim and with speed and accuracy as much as possible. I
chose to discuss the need for these three things as I presented my speech. I
started out by using the analogy of chocolate chip cookies. I passed out a
recipe and asked them what was missing. Of course it was the chocolate chips. I
likened this to the missing words in our dictation and how leaving out even 10%
of a conversation, or a recipe, changes the end result. I then discussed with
them the ways that we have to make sure that we do our best. I then showed them
a short clip from YouTube on why we do what we do and talked about the lives
that are touched and the people that we serve on a daily basis. I did this in
an effort to draw on emotion to encourage them to do their best at all times
because those we serve truly are blessed by our service.
In this venue it’s not quite as intimidating as in others. I’m
in a position of authority and my team looks to me for direction. I’ve been in
this position for a number of years and know the information quite well, which
makes it easy to discuss and share. However, I do still get nervous, worried
that I will forget to share something. Some of my symptoms of nerves are that I
speak too quickly, I like to say “um” a lot, I get scatter brained and mess up
what I want to say. I addressed these things in my Likert Survey that I passed
out to the team ahead of time. As I was gathering up the results and looking
through them, I was surprised by what I saw. I was expecting to have lower
results, mostly in the “um” category. I am pleased with the feedback that I was
given. They felt that I spoke slowly and clearly enough to convey the
information intended, which was great. However, I do still need to work on
stammering and using “um” to fill the “brain drain” that I experience during
presentations at times.
All in all, I felt that my presentation went well. I know
that I need to improve on some things and I am glad that my team was kind enough
to let me know how I can do better.
As I was
contemplating a topic that addresses a major concern I have as a parent of
young adult children I was looking through some speeches on Ted Talks and found
this fabulous clip on young adult behavior and how their actions or inaction
can shape their future adult experience and the rest of their life. This clip
was filmed in February of 2013. Meg Jay uses many of Dr. BJ Fogg’s Behavior
Change Model points as she goes through and explains her theories as a psycho
therapist who focuses mostly on this most important decade in a young person’s
life. In our times young adults tend to
put off school, marriage, family and careers. They are happening later and
later. Is this a good thing? Let’s see what Meg Jay has to say about it.
The first
element from this behavioral model that must be present is the motivation to
change. Jay discusses the components of fear
that some of her clients feel as they finally realized that their twenties have
just passed them by and they have nothing to show for it. A lot of times, that
isn’t enough motivation for someone to change what they are doing. Especially
when they are thigh high in the midst of the good times. They fear the work
necessary to make the changes to be successful. Jay points out that the
twenties is the time to be preparing for your thirties. Take advantage of the
opportunities to explore jobs and prepare for marriage. This is the hope side
of this equation. Twenty somethings, as she calls them, should be taking this
time to prepare themselves for the future.
When a
twenty something first leaves the nest they are so excited to experience all
that life has to offer them. Even if it involves going against what their
parents may wish for them. The seek pleasure in life and freedom from the rules
that they had as teens. This is how a lot of young adults live their lives
until one day the pain of an unfulfilled life comes knocking at their door.
That pleasure can soon turn to pain as they realize that they are almost thirty
and they aren’t prepared for a successful future. They realize that in order to
get the things they want, they will need to make changes. Whether it’s going to
school, finding a new job, or dumping the partner they are with and finding one
that has more ambition for a better life. This is where the true pleasure will
be found. It is in making those changes that will lead them down a road that
they are wanting.
Another part
of Fogg’s motivation element is cohesion or social acceptance or rejection. The
media has downplayed the importance of twenty somethings and the importance of
this crucial period of brain development. It has been painted as socially
acceptable to remain stagnant and not moving forward. Young adults have been
told that they have plenty of time to enjoy being young. This decade in a young
adult’s life has been trivialized with words such as “extended adolescence” and
nicknames such as “twixters” according to Jay. When our twenty somethings hear these
things it’s easy to follow the path that is easy and fun. There is a certain
acceptance or approval of this slow progress in some parts of society. If their
friends are doing it, and mom and dad don’t say anything, then it must be
alright. Eventually reality will hit and they will realize that time is up and
they need to make some changes.
The second
element that must converge for behavior change to happen is abilities. In order
for a twenty something to do a 360 and follow a completely different course,
they must have the ability to do so. Jay talks about how it’s more difficult to
make these major changes all at once and how enormous the pressure is to do so
if one waits too long. This is one reason why she suggests that twenty
somethings take advantage of the time that they have during this decade to
really focus on what they want and how they are going to get it. For example,
child bearing reaches its peak at 28 years of age and after age 35 it becomes
tricky and more complicated.
The third
element that Fogg discusses is triggers. These are calls to action, an offer, a
request or a cue. Throughout Jay’s speech she talks about the importance of not
wasting time. One trigger I feel that she used effectively was the thought of
marrying the wrong person just because one felt like they had to get married.
She points out that a lot of twenty somethings get into convenient
relationships without understanding the consequences of what they are doing and
a lot of times find themselves in unhappy marriages as a result. She brings up
the inability to have a child due to waiting too long to start a family, or
even having a single child and not being able to provide a sibling that is so
desperately wanted.
Using the
elements of Fogg’s behavioral Change Model is a successful way to create an affective
consequence as well as a cognitive effect in not only the twenty somethings
themselves but also in family members who may want to help one of them to move
forward with their lives. Jay uses statistics of careers as well as fertility
as a way to inform her audience of the consequences and advantages that she was
trying to portray. Most of her speech, however, focused on the affective side
of persuasion. Emotion is a very effective way to sway others opinions or to at
least get them to consider another point of view.
Throughout
Jay’s speech she covered many concerns about twenty somethings and their
actions or lack of action. Then she covered the premise of need and gaining
control of their lives. After all, who else is going to do it for them? She
talks of gaining some identity capital. By this she means that they need to “do
something that will add value” to who they are or an “investment in who they
may want to be next.” She also discusses the importance of choosing likeminded
peers who have the same ambitions and values. It’s important for them to create
a new circle of friends when making these changes.
Another
premise that Jay uses is that of emotions. Bringing up stories of people who
feel lost, lonely, and unsuccessful. This creates a sense of urgency and a call
to action. It points to the triggers that can encourage change in those that
are struggling with the desire to move forward to a successful and accomplished
life. She also uses a story of a young woman, Emma, who takes hold of her
advice and makes those changes in her life and changes her future for the
better. Emotions can be use both ways. Jay draws pictures of how we don’t want
things to be, but she also uses the positive side to inspire hope and
motivation in her audience.
The third
premise that is present in Jay’s speech is that of attitudes. Not only of the
twenty somethings that she works with but in society as well. The attitude that
one’s twenties is a time for fun and freedom discredits the importance of
focusing on the future. While part of the population is enjoying a life of easy
going fun and relationships that aren’t meaningful, the others are out there
making their mark in the work force, getting an education and doing all that
they can to ensure their career, marriage, family, and later years are laced
with success and happiness.
Jay used the
premises of needs, emotions, and attitudes very effectively in making her
point. As a parent of a few twenty somethings, her speech helped me not only
see that maybe some changes need to made, but I also have hope that it’s not
too late. Of course the changes aren’t mine to make, or perhaps even suggest,
but the premise of the speech and the information shared was valuable none the
less.
